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"Man, fuck you, Santa! We're spending Christmas with the homeless!"

- Puff Puff Humbert SANTA HATES POOR KIDS


Santa Hates Poor Kids is the 22nd song released by Your Favorite Martian and the 6th video animated by Cosmic Toast Studios. It is YFM's only song relating to a holiday.

• Music Video •

• Lyrics •

[Verse 1: Puff Puff Humbert]

I really hate it that my family's poor; I really wish I was a rich kid

'Cause they always get all the pimped gifts for Christmas

Did I get a new Xbox? Fat chance

Well, Billy gets a new pony and a lap dance

Plus a tree house mansion and a jet ski

How the hell'd he get a pterodactyl? (Gets me)

I thought Christmas was awesome, on and poppin'

'til Jane got a slave and Google stock options

And I don't think you understand how it feels

To see another kid roll up in his Bentley Power Wheels like:

"Look at my new ride; Santa just bought it

He didn't get you nothing 'cause your mom's an alcoholic"

He's right, I got some underwear used by my brother

I'm like Oliver Twist, "Please may I have another?"

I opened up a present, and found an eviction notice

Man, fuck you, Santa! We're spending Christmas with the homeless!

[Chorus: Benatar]

Santa must hate the poor kids

'Cause Santa only hangs with the rich (Come on)

Santa hates poor kids

Santa hates poor kids

And if you ain't got money then he ain't coming

Nothing under your tree tonight

[Verse 2: Puff Puff Humbert]

And all I got was a charm bracelet with no charms

And a discharged G.I. Joe with no arms

And a drunk stepdad, man, I hate it here

And mom got some cigarettes and half a case of beer

We're too poor for Christmas music (we a capella)

And our Christmas tree is just a busted umbrella

With a bunch of junk glued to it, this shit is useless

And Ravi said Santa also hates you if you're Jewish

[Chorus: Benatar]

Santa must hate the poor kids

'Cause Santa only hangs with the rich (Sing it!)

Santa hates poor kids

Santa hates poor kids

And if you ain't got money then he ain't coming

Nothing under your tree tonight!

Santa hates poor kids

[Break: Santa Claus]

Ho ho ho

[Verse 3: Puff Puff Humbert]

Fuck you, Santa, you fat motherfucker

How'd you get so big? You been drinking butter?

Always acting jolly, I ain't buying into that

And why you always trying to get kids to sit on your lap?

I heard you touch Scottish boys under the kilt

Hey Fatty Claus, stop eating my cookies and milk!

Or I'm going to go to the North Pole and enroll you in gym class

And next year I'm leaving diet pills and SlimFast

You see me while I'm sleeping, you creep me out

And while you watching me, why you gotta take your penis out?

So bring it Santa, I'm not afraid to fight, bitch

I'll whoop your ass and take a shit on your nice list

I want to take you out in the worst way

If you're a saint, why'd you steal Jesus' birthday?

So keep your dumb gifts Santa, we don't need you

And tell the Tooth Fairy she's a cheap bitch too

[Chorus: Benatar]

Santa hates poor kids (come on)

Santa hates poor kids

And if you ain't got money then he ain't coming

Nothing under your tree tonight

Santa hates poor kids

[Outro: Puff Puff Humbert]

And God bless us everyone!

Shut the hell up Tiny Tim, you're not helping!

• Trivia •

  • It's their first holiday related song.
  • In this song, Axel "sings".
  • Unlike all the other, Benatar is shown wearing his regular clothes, only torn.
  • My Stripper Pony looks like a reference to My Little Pony
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